5 Ways to Support your spouse who is grieving

If you've been keeping up with our blog you know that my mother died the day after I met Edward. On March 27th I was filled with hope for the future but by March 28th my entire world had been shattered. Needless to say, this was a less than ideal time to take up with a new man. However, I believe Edward was brought to me specifically at this time to keep me from becoming completely unhinged. God knows who and what we need. 

We met online, spoke once, got engaged on our first date and married 90 days later. This all happened in my most vulnerable state while I was in dealing with immense grief. It would be hard for any husband to support his wife through this type of loss but my husband had only just met me! How would he know how to comfort me? Would I feel comfortable allowing him in that deep? Yes we were already married but in truth we were strangers! WHERE WAS THE PANIC BUTTON!!!!
But for the grace of God, my husband knew exactly what to do for me instinctively. Here are a few of the ways he is helping me cope with my new normal.

1. He rode the wave. Some days I would be my naturally bubbly, charismatic self but other days were filled with a spontaneous combustion of tears. No matter how I was feeling he remained a constant pillar of strength. He never tried to shut me up or make me talk. He was just riding the waves with me.

2. He loved me, nah like REALLLLLLLLLY LOVED ME! There were days I ate entire boxes of cookies or I failed at personal hygiene. He let me eat or not bathe for a time but with gentle encouragement he let me know that I was his responsibility and he could only allow me to sink but so far. I had to make an attempt at living. His acceptance of me in all states assured me that his love may have been new but it was real!

3. He let me fall. I fell right into his arms. He held me, wiped my tears, ushered me away from the public when he saw my eyes well up. He let me ugly cry. I remember being at dinner on our first trip together as a couple when I suddenly couldn't finish my dinner. He took one look at me, asked for the check and promptly got me up to our hotel room to let me get it out. He was aware of me. The slightest emotional change was noted and acted upon.

4. He made plans with me. After losing the most important person in my life, I had a hard time seeing the future. I felt stuck in a hole. But he was constantly planning. He had our fitness goals top of mind. He spoke of our desire to move out of state. In short, he provoked me to consider that I had more to live for than to allow myself to wither away.

5. He prayed for me. We pray together every night but somehow he finally told me that he prays for me while I'm sleeping. I was shocked to learn that my husband hand been laying hands on me in my slumber as he spoke to God concerning me! Can the church say Amen?!

I'm nowhere near the end of the emotional roller coaster of grief but I am slowly healing. He was a great example of the love and concern a spouse should have for their grieving partner. Now I have to return the favor. My husband is experiencing a loss a of his own. I will seek to be everything he has been for me and more. Together we will heal from our losses. In time, we will be restored. The grace extended will never be forgotten.

Stay Dope,
MBC