I was shocked by Mary J. Blige's divorce announcement a few weeks ago. I was even more shocked to learn that she and her husband didn't allow each other to have opposite sex friendships. Could that be at the root of the demise?
My husband's friends are mostly women. Before you start murmuring "girllllllllll....." let me say it's only an issue if it's an issue. Let me explain.
I firmly believe EVERY woman knows the man she married. If your man sniffs up every skirt, you know. If your man is a faithful as a Labrador you know that too! Not that there aren't exceptions but in general I think women know. So here is what I know about my husband. He's a man of his word. If he says she's a friend she's a friend. Now, he has said, "She's my friend but I did hit it back in the day." We all have those, I get it. Nevertheless, she's still his friend.
I made a decision to do things differently with my husband. My last relationship (10 years ago) really did a number on my self-esteem. I felt insecure because he was an NFL player and we were in a long-
distance relationship. I snooped and I found. I vowed that if I ever had the urge to look through someone's phone, go through their drawers or rummage through their car, I would just leave. I didn't like whom I was becoming as a result of my insecurity. It was about really about trust. I decided if I couldn't trust the one I'm with, I wouldn't be with him.
Trusting my husband has freed me. I don't worry about whom he is talking to on the phone, where he is or if he is in someone's DMs. I do not own him. He does not own me. We are together because we choose to be together. We make that choice every day. We have full transparency and respect for each other. I know all of his codes/passwords and he knows mine. But it's not to check behind one another. It's more for convenience of not having to bother him every time I want to use his phone, computer or iPad.
I remarked to my husband that I've lost nearly all of my male friendships since we've gotten married. Not because he told me to cut them but rather the majority of my guy buds self-selected out. My best friend is a guy I've known since I was 11. He asked me if I can still take his calls and I said absolutely! Edward knows exactly who he is and is not threatened by our friendship.
I believe that my husband will respect and honor me in whatever setting. He can have his friends and I can have mine. Our relationship is built on trust and openness. I cannot hold him or contain him from anyone or anything. He's with me of his own free will. We don't believe in forever. No one can promise that. We are here. Together. Now and hopefully the next day. We both get to choose. I hope he chooses me for many more days to come and he's hoping I do the same.
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