He who finds a wife...

Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing (and a spokesperson). At least I did. Now you won’t find ERAC quoting scripture too often but these words ring true everyday. She’s better in a crowd than I am. She’s better at making friends out of strangers than I am. Actually, I don’t think she even uses the word stranger. Not that I can’t hold my own, but it wasn’t until after I let my guard down did I learn that I wasn’t as awesome as I thought I was. This probably speaks to my last blog post on vulnerability, so let’s just call this part of a series. A series where I let go of me and embrace “we” even more. Something that is particularly difficult for men, even married men. 

Even though it’s a “deadIy sin”, I am a PROUD dude! Even when I shouldn’t be. I can think of at least 50 times (in the last year) when humility would have gotten me out of a tough spot. But nah, I’ve always liked to go the route where I bang on my chest like a caveman in order to solidify my rightness. I consider myself an intelligent, well researched fella and when I’m settled on a reason or decision I am not easily swayed. This is the single man way of thinking. 38 days into marriage and I’m realizing that sometimes, maybe, probably that I could possibly be wrong…Ok! I'm wrong a lot - but a lot less now.

For instance, I realized that I am a total amateur when it comes to doctor visits. I always come out having not asked pertinent questions which, in turn, leave me without pertinent answers. Now I have a wife with the right of mind to accompany me to the doctor’s office (who does that?). But I come out with answers and results that I would not have on my own. Thanks wife. 

For the last 20 years I’ve have very little input on my decisions. For the good decisions, I’ve always held my head high knowing that it was by my composure and intellect, and mine alone, that I made the best decision. For the bad decisions I would often look around (like a kid looking both ways before crossing a street) to find someone to blame. But at all times, it was only me. And even when I did make the right decision, i hoped that there would be someone there to hold me up in the case that I fell. Releasing fear in my young marriage has enabled me to look to my wife for guidance. I mean, I chose well but I couldn't have known she would balance me in such a way. She's an educated woman with a sound mind and kind spirit. Seeking her counsel in my personal decisions and family decisions have made all of the difference. 

My new wife has even made me a better father. Because…guess what???? I have no idea what teenage girls need. When I was a teenager all I thought girls needed was me. Wrong again. I haven’t the slightest idea about how to address and adapt to their emotions. I know now that I won’t feel so helpless when there’s some kind of lady emergency when the girls visit.  Even though we are both trying to understand the world that these millennials live in (as our parents tried to understand ours) doing it together has made it that much better.

Advice from a novice: Despite how long you’ve been in you relationship, make sure all paths lead to ONENESS

Stay  Dope, ERAC