Before I got married, I dreaded having to have a "talk" with a man I was dating because the talk almost never gave me the results I desired. Now, as a married woman, I have a completely different experience when my husband and I have to have a "talk."
Intense fellowship a.k.a. arguing can be such a blessing. I'm fortunate that my husband and I get along 95% of the time but that 5%....WHEW, HELP ME LAWD! We have figured out our conflicts usually happen around the time Aunt Flow shows up (PMS is mad real). Anyhow, we have decided to develop a few rules for how we deal with each other when we encounter disagreements.
1. Don't be Petty!
I can be Petty McPettyson in an argument! Going tit-for-tat only makes the situation harder to resolve.
2. Give up your right to be right!
This is specifically key for women since we are USUALLY RIGHT (we can still be right but let him think he is)! If your husband is like mine he thinks he's ALWAYS RIGHT! While the truth is probably somewhere in the middle, don't allow the need to assert your "rightness" get in the way of loving your mate.
3. Listen more than you talk!
4. Fight fair!
We love each other! Low blows are damaging and have long-term effects on relationships. We can choose to lay out facts without going below the belt.
5. When all else fails KISS!
It is so hard to keep a frown on my face when my man shuts me up with a kiss! The problem can be on the table without discarding the baby and the bath water! Physical touch is healing.
Every time Edward and I have had a real disagreement, it has brought us closer. Arguing evokes honesty if you remove the emotion. I recall our first big argument, we were furious with each other! After we both settled down we worked on the root issues and made a plan. It was beautiful. It built more trust.
We strive to listen, be attentive and validate feelings. Open dialogue is a gift and sometimes it's not wrapped in a pretty package.
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