In November of 2015 my mind was dark. I had suffered several setbacks over the course of the last 6 months or so. I trusted someone I shouldn’t have trusted with my future. It caused financial turmoil. To me it was insurmountable. I feel completely alone. Of course I wasn’t completely alone but as I said, my mind was dark. I went days and weeks alone. Some days I wouldn’t come out of my apartment. My relationship ended, I couldn’t afford to care for my children. I scraped along to pay rent. My car was repossessed. I started losing things due to carelessness. I misplaced my drivers license, then my passport. I was alone and lonely. Nearly homeless in my mind. I felt sick.
2016 began better than 2015 ended. I was still in a empty place. I was on the job hunt. Sending several applications and resumes out everyday to whatever and whomever was hiring. I only grew more discouraged after getting very few call backs for jobs. I gave myself a timeline as to when I would move back to Philly. LA had gotten the best of me.
To ease a bit of loneliness I would frequent dating sites. I was hoping that one day, I would actually want to date someone. I chatted with a few women with no real intent to take it any further. Some actually seemed pretty interesting. But on Easter I came across “Nofuxgiven1005”. She was angelic. Far mores than her handle would suggest. Just three weeks earlier I had made the conscious decision to leave LA to go back to Philly to reboot, or get a job, or something. I didn’t really have a full thought out plan. I only knew I was going back. I even had a job interview at a gym in the city lined up. I had some excitement. Friends and family. At the very least, I would see some loved ones and feel some comfort.
Back to Nofuxgiven… I remember thinking to myself..” If I weren’t going back to Philly, I would do what I could to position myself in her life”… And then I realized that it probably doesn’t matter to her either way. She probably wouldn’t respond anyway. That happens in the online dating world. On Easter Sunday (1 week before my LA departure) I sent her a message. letting her know what was on my mind. She replied immediately telling me that she didn’t approve of me moving back. Maybe she saw something in me. She said that 1 week was enough time to get familiar and that Philly was only a hop skip and jump from LA. I felt so challenged that I felt fear. Of all things in this world to fear, a pretty lady was the least of them. But his time was different. I mentioned that I was having dinner later that night with a group of friends. She suggested that we link up afterwords as not to waste time. Again, I was SUPER challenged. I expected her to bow in defeat to the fact that shecouldn;t possibly make friend out of me because, ya know, I was moving 3,000 miles away and such. I didn’t meet with her that night. I dodged that bullet. So I thought.
6 days later (1 day before I depart) she reaches out to ask if I was still in LA. OMG! This woman was putting me to task. Did she not remember that I was moving? To PHILLY???? Tomorrow? I figured that I couldn’t run from this woman. She gave “nofux” about distance apparently. I told her I would give her a call later that evening. When I heard her voice the only thing that came out of mouth was truth. I told her how I hadn’t had such a challenge from a woman and how it intrigued me. We laughed for three hours. We became vulnerable immediately. I talked to her with the TV off looking at the ceiling. I never do that. I can always hold a conversation and television show. Not with her. When we hung up I decided that I would marry her.
I didn’t know what to do. How could the woman I felt sure about come to me at such a time? I went to sleep that night feeling unsure about every decision I’d made in the last week concerning moving. The next morning she greets me with a hello text, one final challenge. “What are the chances of me seeing you before you leave?” Well now I had to meet her. I would have felt like half a man if not. Besides if this was all an illusion, I would be on a train in 12 hours. Nothing ventured, nothing gained but a friendly exchange. She picked me up a couple of hours later to have breakfast a good times breakfast spot near my apartment. We waited for our table and we talked and laughed some more. It was a seamless continuation of the phone conversation the night before. I was into her. When she finally took her sunglasses off and looked into her eyes, I was convinced that I would be a fool to let a few thousand miles prevent me from knowing her. We got even more vulnerable and honest. Her mother passed away the day after Easter, the first time we exchanged messages. I thought she was holding up really well considering how close she said they were. I admired her strength. I proposed to her over pancakes with a ring made from sugar packet wrappers, ya know, the long sugar packets. I even got the size right. I was only half joking but by the time the bill came, I knew she would be my wife.
She said no to my proposal. It wasn’t official enough. She loved the ring though. Walking to the car, I did it the right way. I tightened the twist on the paper ring. I got down on one knee and proposed marriage. I was dead serious this time. I hadn’t had clue as to how I would pull this off. I was in the most fragile state I had ever been and so was she. She accepted my "real" proposal outside of the restaurant and after confirming that we were both indeed serious, we discussed the next steps.
She took me to the train station later that day and we parted ways as an engaged couple who just met. We got to know each other over the phone I've the next two weeks and fell in love. Those who knew I was moving back for good now had to hear that I was moving back to LA for love. Some understood, some didn't.
Dope Elope highlights stories of couples from all over the World who have decided to forgo traditional weddings. Share in the joy of these newlyweds as they recount their experiences of getting married on the fly.