My momma never though I’d get married. Well I did momma and it’s been two years since it happened. 2 WHOLE YEARS and now in our 3rd state! Our whole relationship has been non traditional. Or maybe we've started out own traditions #perspective.
If you’ve paid the slightest attention or if we are actually friends, you know all about our dope elope. What you don’t know you is how Bey showed me (continues to show) that she has my back; that she’s in this. When we met I had hit my rock bottom. I didn’t need rehab or anything but it was MY rock bottom.
She is still picking me up. Bey picked me right up and said “let it go, God’s got us”. She said it not knowing what my relationship with God was. That was besides the point because she had a relationship with God and they spoke often. I am a work in process and Bey is a miracle working saint
MARRIAGE SCHOOL: Hard Knocks Come
As of today, we have been married for 544 days or 1 year, 5 months and 26 days. In the big scheme of things, this is no time at all. I hope we are one of those #realtionshipgoals posts in 49 more years. But all things considered, I am pleased that we are not just “hangin’ in there” but we are thriving in our marriage because we are students of each other.
In just over 500 days, we have endured deaths on both sides, moved across the country, started new careers, blended our family and learned to be married to a stranger (see previous posts for backstory) SHEESH! Just one of those life changes is enough to cause a decent size crack in a budding marriage. We have managed to pull closer through all of that but it has NOT been easy.
We have chosen to be like water and flow around the mountains and over the molehills. Perfection is unattainable, we just strive to stay accountable and responsible to and for each other. The one certainty is that life will change. We will endure many more cycles. While we are enrolled in “Marriage School” we have to blindly trust in the process, be open to growth and be committed to prayer for direction and protection of our union.
What I have learned being Mrs. Edward Raheem Ali Crawford:
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Stay Dope this holiday season.
Easter has always been my favorite holiday. As a child, my mom and I would dye eggs, eat chocolate bunnies and I would always wake up to elaborate Easter baskets. Once I became an adult, Easter took on a deeper meaning as I began to understand the meaning of celebrating Resurrection day.
Last year for Lent, I gave up dating, talking to men on the phone and even flirting in the hopes of removing all distractions from the opposite sex to focus my love and attention solely on God. I was not fasting for anything in particular. I only wanted a deeper connection with God BUT on Easter Sunday last year when I broke my fast, I met my husband online (won’t HE DO IT)!!!!! Then tragedy rocked my world the very next day when I received word that my mother died.
As Lent approached this year, I wondered how I would react. It coincided with the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. I explained to Ed how sacred my sacrificial time has always been and he decided to join me on the fast. We decided to give up social media. This year we really need to hear from God and God alone! Free from the constant pinging of notifications, we could really commune with God.
Here are 5 things we learned while fasting from social media:
Where they do that at???
So we often joke about “what could have been”. You all know our little love story and how magically fast it all happened. I (we) still get the side eye when we tell our story to strangers. Even if they don’t say it, their face always expresses, "Where they do that at?!"
7 months in and it still feels good. Granted 7 months isn't a great amount of time. However, before I got married, a 7 month relationship was ground breaking. I was actually known for being disgruntled in relationships and often made it "convenient" for women to break up with me (don’t judge me).
I assume the biggest reason we get the side eye is because getting engaged on the first date, after only one conversation and a hand full of internet exchanges, is particularly troubling. Mostly due to the fact(s) that you haven’t accounted for all of the things that could potentially go wrong. The “what ifs”, if you will. Even if you do it the “right way” you still run the risk that your spouse may change, feelings may change, the world may change. Guess what??? That’s everyone, in every relationship. Yeah I know, that’s hippie talk. It isn’t lost on me that dope eloping was full of risk, but you don’t think of that when “you know”… so let’s think about it now…. Any of the following could have stopped (or hindered) our awesomeness:
You probably can think of ten more. Luckily for us there weren’t a ton of “deal breakers” that caused us to spiral downward. When courting, deal breakers rear their ugly heads and you get to say “whew, I dodged a bullet” when you break up. We, on the other, hand, decided that no hill would be insurmountable (we prayed). With all of that said, and I’m not a “luck” type of dude, but we got lucky. The odds were stacked against us because, after all “where they do that at?"
Most people take years getting to know their mate before making the decision to enter into a full time partnership and yet all of us married folk are aware of the high divorce rates in America (they vary depending where you research). The fact of the matter is no matter whether to take 90 days to dope elope or if you tease it out for two years, the chances for success are about the same.
Stay Dope on Valentine's Day,
The path dope travelled...
When I was growing up the most exciting thing I did on Christmas, besides eat, was go to the movies. This year, my new wife and I decided to do Christmas in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. How's off-roading for a little excitement?! I do like an adventure, but Bey is more of a champagne and massage type. However, it was her idea to go on an ATV RIDE. NOTE: Be forewarned that if you come to these parts during the holiday, they make sure to double the normal price of touristy stuff. We found out that the hard way. Cabo, like Southern California is pretty barren (think Palm Springs). It rains less than 7 days a year and because there's no other major industry, they rely on tourism, so prepare to spend. PLAN PLAN PLAN!
Back to the ATV. I was super proud of Mikki for getting up on that machine because she does not live on the edge like I do. If she had to choose between a deep tissue massage and going off roading, there is no choice. We were in a group of 16 mostly couples and one family. If I had to put money on who would win a race out of the ladies in the group my money is on Mikki! She did great! At one point she was shouting obscenities at a man going really slowly attempting to take a picture of his wife on a narrow bridge suspended at the top of a mountain (you weren't allowed to use cameras while driving the atvs). She wasn't happy!
All in all, we had a great time. I know she was thinking of me when she chose the activity but it turned out to be an experience she really enjoyed.
We want you to share your stories! Send us pictures of your elopement and why you and your love decided to dope elope! We look forward to sharing in your love. Email us your stories, comments or congratulatory messages to firstname.lastname@example.org